It's the day after the last chapter. God, I hope the pace picks up a bit!
THE VIRGIN (FORWYN! IT'S WELSH!)
Because she's a nice sweet innocent virgin, she feels bad about what happened to Hywel. Because Cerys is a whore, she doesn't care.
Lois starts being jealous while some girls talk to Cerys and Lois eats some horrible pasta bake and is disappointed that university doesn't come with fine cuisine, napkins, waiters, and three types of fork.
Lois meets another girl called Fflur (IT'S WELSH!) They go and see a gig by one of the most popular bands in Wales!
No, not them!
Oh, fuck no!
They're not even Welsh
No, Bounty Hunter. Who are obviously a fictional band. Cos, quite frankly, if performing in Aberystwyth is a career breakthrough that makes you the biggest thing in Wales, you're definitely fictional. And shit. She's attracted to the lead singer. He's a sensitive tortured soul. Richey Edwards totally stole all his moves.
'Lois fixed her eyes on Daniel: his sensitivite features showing he was lost in the moment, his supple hands stroking the guitar as if it was a woman.' You know, I think people think that sounds like a sexy sensual idea, but i bet in reality it'd be a bit bruising.
That looks like it'd hurt!
THE WHORE (BUTAIN! IT'S WELSH)
Cerys goes off with the girls from earlier. They're called the Fat Slags. They're older and rule the college, and it's paper! The name isn't ironic. They're Fat, and have slept around? They're this novel's villains. They're fat, ugly, bitchy, gossipy and they've slept with boys! So they're evil! This novel has some incredibly fucked up presentations of women for a novel written by a woman and published by a women's writing press.
Anyway, they tell her of Marc Arwel. He's the sexy older sophisticated man that Cerys wants. He's more stunning than Fabrice! He's a Welsh History lecturer. The Fat Slags have never scored with him. But Cerys had already met him at registration and he'd eyed her up there. Which is obviously the behaviour of a respectable academic. Cerys decides she doesn't like Lois cos she's still a virgin and she lost hers at 15, with a sixth former.
Anyway, the Fat Slags tell her she looks like 'jailbait!' She goes up to Marc Arwel, in her 'short hot pants and perky little breasts' Man, Davies likes Cerys's breasts. And do you need to specify hot pants are short? He tells her he's thinking of an 'extra curricular activity' with her. Within the length of time it takes to drink a Gin and Tonic, she's off to shag him in a hotel. I don't know if Davies actually means for this scene to read as sexy, or incredibly disturbing.
The next bit though will scar you for life, as Marc takes her to a hotel that definitely doesn't exist in Aber because nowhere out of the uni is 6-7 floors high, and has sex with her. It's built up to with this amazing line
'Cerys you're amazing,' Marc sighed as he wrenched her skimpy knickers off.'
He 'wrenched' her 'skimpy' knickers?
'Hey! Those are new!'
'I'll buy you a hundred pairs of knickers!' Marc laughed before diving into the depths of her femininity like a greedy cat a bowl of tuna.'
Now, let me ruin cat videos for you forever.
I have to go find some brain bleach!
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